Hi Laura,
It sounds as though you've got a lot of emotions colliding right now. But it also sounds as though you've got a lot of good sense, as well.
How do I know? Well, you're already aware of the fact that you need a little extra help at the moment; and you've called in the troops by contacting several counselors and also by asking for help here on Yedda.
I agree with The Wisest Mom; I think you should return a counselor's call-back as soon as you can - but in the meantime, perhaps we can offer listening ears and shoulders to lean on.
Laura, you mention you and this man spoke every night, but you don't go into detail regarding your topics of conversation.
Nevertheless, I gather that perhaps your conversations were more in depth and intimate than his current behavior would indicate - which has no doubt thrown you for a loop.
To start with, I don't think you need to worry about your familial history of mental illness. I agree that cutting yourself is an issue, but you're already aware of that - and seeking help for it. I think if you were truly mentally ill, you would not be looking for answers to this current problem, because you would deny a problem even existed. So, plus one in the sanity column.
To go along with that thought, it therefore follows that you are not losing your mind. You're stressed, sure. You're depressed, of course. You might even be slightly angry and rather confused by this whole situation (it's only natural). But losing your mind over it? Impossible! (Another plus in the sanity column.)
What I do think is that this man is not deserving of you. Although you did not go into details about your relationship, it's clear that the two of you became close enough so as to converse every night. For him to suddenly shut off without a word of explanation is HIS fault, not yours.
Put it this way, even if he suddenly realized that you were getting too attached to him and he had given you the wrong idea about his intentions; suddenly pulling a silent routine is rude and ill mannered - and has nothing to do with anything you did, said or thought.
I think your idea to call him on it (by contacting him and meeting to clear the air) is a good one. Everyone deserves to be treated with honesty and respect and that is not what he showed you. Therefore, it is perfectly normal and perfectly acceptable for you to stand up for yourself and to tell him so.
Meanwhile, it's Sunday evening as I type this and I urge you to return a counselor's call the first thing tomorrow morning so you can set up an appointment to speak to someone about your feelings.
Laura, I don't think you are crazy. I just think you expected this man to act in a way other than the way he did - and I think the sudden flipflop in his attitude took you by surprise and left you feeling low.
Hon, we've all been there. And we've all wondered how we would ever get past it, or if we could ever trust anyone again.
I'm here to tell you, you WILL get past it and you WILL find someone worthy of your trust - it will just take you having to put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time until it happens.
You can do it - and you can trust us to cheer for you every step of the way.
Take care, sweetie.
(Thanks for the referral, AP. I'll pass it along.)
