If a parent is ashamed of their family (mother ...

Although I am not a Psychologist, I can't imagine that would be a logical reason for such negative feelings to transfer to another  innocent family member. There may be an illogical transference if one sees similar traits in one's children to the one in shame.You should be vigilant to never allow such an illogical and unfair  to manifest as it would be  very wrong and needlessly hurtful to the child. Instead if possible, take logical steps to keep the child free from contributory negative influences.

Breaking from "poison parents" can be difficult, but it is possible: break with the past quickly and completely, start thinking things through all the way, be your own person, and never get caught up in your parents' games. 

Quit smoking, quit drinking, and quit overeating.  Start living a healthy and sustainable life.  Realize that your parents tried but failed, because they failed to listen to their own intuition.  Instead, they defaulted to "child rearing courses."  No kid ever fails to spot that lack of sincerity.

Think like your kids.  What would YOU want in a parent?  That is what to provide, and realize that your kids will have different needs in a parent from the unfulfilled needs you had.  You will at first find your strength depleted by giving them what you never got, then you gain new strength. 

You'd want someone who could understand you, cared enough to be a worthy guide, and helped you with your homework -- but would not do it for you.  You'd want to know that you had the right to scrape your knees and be with other kids and basically grow up in the calm nurture of a suitable, loving home.

That is what the kids need, and that is what to provide. 

I don't know that anyone could be more openly ashamed of their mother than I am of mine.  That is why Lester and I make a point not to be like her at all.

My mother was a stereotypical Cosmo babe -- full of games, self-pity, and a head full of feminist nonsense.  She ruined my life, the lives of all my brothers and sisters, spent time in prison for DWI and writing bad checks, jerked us around from state to state whenever people started catching onto her games, and the price we paid for her unforgivable vanity is beyond tolerance.

And then, she has the unmitigated gall to say she was a good mother.  If she had left us with Dad, we would at least have had a good example and someone who cared about us, more than about her insufferable feminist vanity.  She wouldn't let Dad have us.  She didn't care about us any more than getting AFDC and Child Support.  He always sent us Christmas and Birthday presents.  She always returned them unopened.  She told us that men never pay child support.  He had to sacrifice to pay Child Support, but he never missed a payment.

On final audit, Dad was overpaid by several thousand dollars, and Mom had concealed his diligently made Child Support payments from DSHS.  She spent two years in prison for welfare fraud.  I thought she deserved to spend the rest of her days in prison for what she did to us!

It gets better!  Dad diligently put away college money for us, then she sued him alleging sexual harassment, took those funds, and gave them to NOW.  That way, there was no hope for us to go to college -- any of us!

I swore that I would never do any such thing to anybody, much less my kids.  We scrape by, but we still manage to put a little money away. 

It isn't easy, being the child of a feminist.

My mother has been very keen on scolding me through my childhood, and even in my adult life, even past 35 and forty. It's very difficult, at least I feel that it is, to understand what she has had against her, making her upset for just about nothin  -  and also why she took it out on me. Possibly, of course,  it's about her childhood, but she always denies that it's because of her parents. She was probably nottoo untroubled, though, oneproblem being anorectic tendencies. My older brother, who also had disturbed eating partens she has scolded less than me, and also my sister, who didn't have disturbed eatingpatterns, but withwhom she could share the femininity. But, perhaps I should say that it's just that they both handled her better than I was capable of.

For some reason I nevergother to listento me, until, starting from a few years back, she has finally begunto make an effort. Thanks to a family-therapy session, she began listening at all to things I had to say, since she otherwise would have madea foolof herselfin front of that psychiatrist. After that it has slowly begun to get better, and I even managed to poin tout to her that she was not above teasing andtaunting forno reason, something she until than always pretended Idid a lot more than she  -   even when I just taunted back in just the same way  -  which perhaps I shouldn't have done. Me being so stubborn in that sense , trying to tauntback, scold back and also ignore back has possibly done more harm than most peoplewould find it to be worth. ...

But at least it seems that I have managed to have her get it at last!

It's very likely that hving a tendency to be taking it out on others out also means taking it out on ones own kids. But I feel only fairly certain ofthat she wouldhave a comparable tendency to do so to others than me. ... What I do feel certain about is that she had some strong illusions that she clung to,  pertaining to not believing herself to be anebet too evil to evenhave torethink her opinions. But perhaps she wouldn't have that same vanity and thereby spitefulness against any one who she was not closely aquainted to, and therefore had an illusion of an easiermutual understanding than there was. ... which may mean that she wouldn't have if I (like my siblings) as a baby had been in the care of an Aya, thatis an (asian) Indian care-taker. I guess that some how got me of track more than my biological mom could handle, strange but true.

probably.

Unresolved?! Thats what i'm talking about

These negative feelings simply manifested of shame - you must be kidding.

These negative feelings just manifested of shame - brother.