Iam 40 years old , eversince i was very little ...

I too was this way all my life until I got involved at my church and was a Deacon and Moderator.  I would get awful nervous and freeze until one day I told my self you can do anything if you really want to.  I was always shy from the time I was a kid.  With the grace of God I can get up in front of groups and talk and take control of programs etc.  Anything is possible if you have the presence of Christ in your life.  Paul

(I overcome mine, and you can overcome yours if you really want to)

I too was this way all my life until I got involved at my church and was a Deacon and Moderator.  I would get awful nervous and freeze until one day I told my self you can do anything if you really want to.  I was always shy from the time I was a kid.  With the grace of God I can get up in front of groups and talk and take control of programs etc.  Anything is possible if you have the presence of Christ in your life.  Paul

(I overcome mine, and you can overcome yours if you really want to)

You give yourself to little credit.  Have you heard of an introvertic personality?  It's simply a personality style of people who aren't outgoing chatterboxes like others,those are called extroverts, it's not like you have something wrong with you.  We are all not cut from the same mold.  But, you do seem to have some confidence instabilities.  Don't defeat yourself before you get into a conversation. You do not have a phobia.  Don't use words do describe yourself like fear, catastrophe, grievous, silly, or failure.  Just remember, when you meet people you're not there to impress them with your personality.  You're just there to meet them, relax, be extra slow with yourself and others, all of those negative qualities lead to quick, racy, impulsive thoughts and then you stall out; or freeze up.

   Alcohol and pills won't solve this problem, they'll just numb your perception or outlook on what's really happening.

    People like pleasant experiences so just go slow and easy, they're not there to kill you so what can go so bad?  Don't expect too much out of yourself or others and you won't be disappointed. 

    Try doing some research on personality styles, and personality tests, and realize that you are not a wreck, you are a fully functional human being who has the right to exist happily just like anyone else, and if they don't like it, to hell with them anyhow.

Honey you need far more help then anyone on here can give you. You DESPERATELY  NEED to get back into therapy. And someone needs to find a medication that can help you. Your thought processes are all over the place and even in your writing I can see your hyper-state of mind. You sound like you are about to self destruct. Reading what you wrote, I would have guessed you to be about 14 or 15, had you not given your age. Are you on anything presently (drug wise) that would account for your erratic behavior? Your fragmented thoughts and verbalization indicate something more than just normal excitability. Whatever has you flying high, whether drug induced or clinical, you need to come down NOW! If you don't get a grip soon you are headed for a massive stroke, heart attack or a complete nervous collapse. You need to call a doctor immediately, and schedule a complete medical exam to rule out any physical abnormalities that could be contributing to your anxiety, and then ask him to refer you to someone who can help you work through these feelings of fear, inadequacy, and timidity. You obviously have some type of chemical imbalance that needs to corrected as well. You need to learn to relax, have you ever tried transendental meditation, Yoga, breathing excerises, acupuncture, or any other type of stress relieving therapy? You say you have been seen by two Psychiatrists, what was their diagnosis of your condition? How long were you in treatment, did you give it time to be beneficial? Or did you only go for a few sessions each time? Maybe you should find a counselor or a psychologist and give one of them a try. You definitely need to be talking to someone and the sooner the better before you completely self-destruct. If this has been going on as long as you say, I can't even begin to imagine the hell you must be living in. You as well sound like you could be bordering on paranoia, coupled with overtones of some degree of Agoraphobia. Bottom Line. You need to be in therapy!!! You need professional help. Quit playing around on the internet and open up your phone book and make an appointment with your doctor, and let him determine the help you need and where to find it. There are alot of great people out here, and this is a great sounding board, but I'm afraid you need far more help then any of us can give you.