I understand this document was originally published in Poland in an effort to resist legislation of abortion of the dommunist government October 5 Today my life began. My parents do not know it yet. I am as small as a seed of an apple. But it is I already. And I am to be a girl. I shall have blond hair and blue eyes. Just about everything is settled though. Evan the fact that I shall love flowers. October 10 I have grown a little, but I am too small to do anything by myself. My mother does just about everything for me. And what is odd she still doesn’t know she is carrying me under her heart. And that she is helping me already, that she is even feeding me with her blood. She is so good. Some say that I am not a real person yet, that only my mother exists. But I am a real person, just as a small crumb of bread is yet truly bread. My mother is. And I am. October 23 My mouth is just beginning to open now. Just think. In a year or so I shall be laughing, and later talking. I know that my first word shall be-mama. October 28 My heart began to beat today all by itself. From now on it shall beat gently for the rest of my life. Without ever stopping to rest. And after many years it will tire. It will stop and than I shall die. November 2 I am growing a bit every day. My arms and legs are beginning to take shape. But I have to wait a long time yet before those little legs will raise me to my mothers arms, before those little arms will be able to gather flowers and embrace my father. November 12 Tiny fingers are beginning to form on my hands. Funny how small they are. I shall be able to stoke my mothers hair with them. And I shall take her hair to my mouth and she will probably say, “Oh, nasty!” November 20 It wasn’t until today that the doctor told mom that I am living here under her heart. Oh, how happy she must be! Are you happy, Mom? November 25 My Mom and Dad are probably thinking about a name for me. But they don’t even know that I am a little girl. They are probably saying Andy. But I want to be called Cathy. I am getting so big already. December 10 I am just about able to see. It is dark around me. When mom brings me into the world, it will be full of sunshine and flowers. I have never seen a flower, you know. But what I want more than anything is to see my Mom. December 24 I wonder if Mom hears the whispering beat of my heart? Some children come into the world a little sick. And then the delicate hands of the doctor perform miracles to bring them to health. But my heart is strong and healthy. It beats so evenly---tup-tup-tup-tup…You”ll have a healthy little daughter, Mom December 28 Today my mother killed me.
