Hello, I am an 18 year old female. For many years I have had spontaneous thoughts about horrible things happening to me and I want them to happen. Such horrible things can be anywhere from car accidents to terminal diseases. There is someone I know who is in a hospital under serious circumstances and I actually feel jealous. These thoughts can come to me at any time, or at least I haven't noticed any pattern. I have tried to research this myself but haven't been able to find any substantial results. Can you please bring some light to my query?