I completely couldn't remember anything that happened before age 18 other than the fact that I had been abused. I started remembering details 22 years later when I was 40 and had returned to my home town.. It seems that I had been through so many emotions as a child I couldn't seem to feel anything or didn't know what I was feeling most of the time. The doctor told me the mind is a very tricky thing and no one will ever fully understand it; he said sometimes when there has been trauma we cannot remember something until our mind is able to deal with it. I started remember at age 40 but it never seemed to affect me it was a memory that's all it was. I turned 45 yesterday and the memories I kept having over the past week suddenly made me feel something; I realized I was very afraid. I was abused terribly by my brother he said he wanted to get me used to it and would invite other males mostly strangers sometimes not to have sex with me just anyone off the street who would listen to him when my parents were not at home. My uncle discovered what was happening and talked to my parents he tried to convince them to do something about what was happening they refused he threatened to get the police involved they begged him not to he asked them to send my brother away they all refused he begged them to let he and my aunt raise me they refused finally he insisted they take me for medical attention they agreed I was in such shock I lost my voice for a year when I was about 7 yo my uncle tried to kidnap me from my home he tried at my school he even sent someone to break into our home to take me but my father had a gun and made him leave since I have remembered all this I have been afraid and feeling all sorts of things I'm a mess and I was doing so well I have bipolar disorder and my doctor was going to decrease my medication because he says I was doing so well. I have an appointment with him every six months it is in 10 days should I tell him about this what is happening to me what should I do I'm normally not like this I usually have it pretty well together they dont know if its bipolar or major depression I'm on a very low dosage the doctor says I'm high functioning but maybe I was thinking I'm not doing as well as everyone thinks at least that's what I think and I think a lot I don't 'feel' I think I'm going through some sort of change as if this is part of a process the aftermath of abuse what happens next I'm afraid to tell my doctor
