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My best friend ? Or should I let her be?

Please help. I have a serious delima and you guys have helped me before. I have been best friends with a young lady that I will call my sister since I moved here three years ago. We hit it off instantly, and share everything. We babysit for each other, etc.. well, recently I found out that she is homosexual. I don't have a problem with that, because she knows that I am not like that. The problem is...I am a very attractive young lady and her girlfriend 'hates my guts'. She controls my friend, her whereabouts, her money, etc. I have voiced my concern about this, but my friend is so 'caught up' in this woman that she won't listen to me. She abuses her, calls her names, and belittles her. I have been open about my protests of this, and her 'girlfriend' knows it.
Anyway, recently, I saw my friend at the store, and she walked right by me and didnt' speak. I just assumed she didn't see me or whatever. Then I passed her driving and she didn't look my way.
I figured something was wrong but didn't want to assume. I found out from a mutual friend that the 'girlfriend' told my friend that I was saying harsh, nasty things about her. As a result she also forbid my friend to talk to me, and has turned her against me.
I want to talk to my friend so bad. I am so hurt. I want to tell her that I would never do these things to her, ( she should know that by now). I want to explain to her that these are all tactics being used to ruin our friendship. I don't know what to do.
We were all at a graduation about a week ago. I saw the two of them together, but I kept my distance. I left out of the arena to go to the restroom. My friend 'followed'. ( Her girlfriend was outside mingling). Anyway, she spoke to me first, and asked how I was doing. I was schocked but I responded. I didn't have time to go into detail about anything, because I didn't want her friend to walk up on her talking to me and make my friend 'pay for it." Anyway, we cut the converstation short. I guess that was my friends way of letting me know that she really didn't believe that stuff or whatever. I am a firm believer of 'let go and let God'. I had been praying about this situation, and for God to help my friend see the truth in all of this, and to let this abusive relationship go. Maybe that was his way of giving me an answer. I was so confused because I was sure my friend hated me.
I ran into her at the day care yesterday as I was picking up my son. I spoke, and she spoke, and asked how I was doing. I could tell, though that she was trying to hurry-maybe she was afraid that I was going to strike up a conversation, and her friend would hear about it.
This is too much. I want to be there for her, because I know she needs me. But I realize that she is in a difficult situation. She apparently cares more about this 'girlfriend' than she does our friendship. Do you think I should just let it go, and leave her be?
I am so afraid for her, but my hands are tied right now. She seems to want to still be my friend, but can only say 'hi' and bye to me. Should I just leave her alone, and find another best friend. I feel like I am abandoning her. But she is putting this abusive relationship before me, please help!


- Today, 08:26 am

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That is a tough one, being a Christian myself I believe in the power of God.  I would not give up on her, but she is not going to change until she is ready to change. Until she is ready to talk to you about this, it is useless.  She probably knows the truth, but admitting it to herself is not an easy chore.  Be their for her as a friend and don't force any issues until she comes clean with you and even then tread lightly.  Some day she will need you and she will realize you are her true.  If she doesn't unfortunely you can't do a thing about it.  Good Luck!

Posted 2009-06-25T17:00:22Z
 
2137 helpful answers

Turn off the television and teach your children how to think.

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*I do not read or write anything in the "Comments" section.*

 

If your friend is in a controlling relationship, but is unwilling to quit the relationship; there is little you can do about it.

I suggest you continue to do what you have been doing - which is to remain her friend and keep the lines of communication open, no matter how limited those may be.

You might occasionally invite her to grab a cup of coffee or something - even if she declines, she'll know you are still interested in being her friend; which may encourage her to turn to you if she needs help.

In the meantime, if you see signs that she is being severely abused, controlled or taken advantage of (enough so as to require intervention), then perhaps you should consider asking the police to do a 'welfare check' on her. Even if nothing was found visibly amiss, that might put some fear into your friend's girlfriend.  

Posted 2009-06-25T17:01:44Z
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Thanks so much. I feel so bad for her, but sometimes we have to let someone go if we truly love them. I'm just so confused because I want to believe by the actions she took ( sneaking to talk to me,) were hints that she truly knows the truth-and wants me to understand what she's going through or why she has to distance herself from me.  deep down inside. I guess right now she's stuck between a rock and a hard place. I guess if she were really that angry she wouldn't have spoken to me at all. Maybe I should just give her some time. do you agree?

Posted 2009-06-25T17:52:11Z

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