HELP!!! I'm lost in my so=called love life!!!
I wrote a few questions here about my long relationship...and here I am again :(
I am in a relationship with a guy for 9 years, but I don't feel like I want to marry him. I'm feeling like I'm stucked somewhere...I don't know where. I'm very afraid from the outcome if we split. When we are out (and that is very rare, we are not kissing...he is not even huging me...and I miss that a lot) I tried to change that and I met a guy on the net...after whole year chating and making agreements to met eachother alive, he went away...and I'm feeling very broken...I wanted to change whole my life because of him and be with him, but he left everything....I told him about my boyfriend on the very beginning, but I introduce "boyfriend" like a guy with whom I was...I told him that we are going out together from time to time, but that we don't have any sexual relatins (3 years)(and it's true)....Because I was feeling awful and I was staying at home with days and weeks crying...I decide one night to go out with friends and accidentally I met my ex boyfriend, he was a guy with whom I was in a relationship for 3 months, before my relationship of 9 yeras. He done everything just to come close to me and talk to me, we were talking whole night...it was very nice, because I haven't seen him very long time and I didn't know anything about him and he about me...then he asked me to walk with me to my home...I accepted, then he aksed me to kiss me, but I said "no". He kissed me only on my cheek and left. He took my phone number and next day called me...when we were in the club he asked me, do I have a boyfriend and I said "no", because I thought that he knew that I'm kidding...he was calling me few days every day...and even asked for my FB, skype...and we were chating...then I realise that he don't know really that I'm still in a relationship and I told him...he was little surprised and since then he changed...he is not calling me often and he don't want to come even on a cup coffee with me...and before that he wanted to see me as soon as possible....I'm really feeling very, very, very low....on one side I'm in a relationship where I miss "a relationship" and on the other hand is my broken heart from the net guy (very stupid by my side, but I fall in love with him)...and now my ex...I just wanted to spend some time with him, I just wanted to felt like I am little important to someone....just a little...but now he don't want...I don't want to feel awful...I want to smile...I'm not doing that very often....I think not at all...:(...I think that I'm very emotional girl and that is not good....I have a feeling like everyone is leaving me....I can't felt any tenderness from my boyfriend, the guy from the net left and broke my heart...and now even my ex boyfriend, who seemed very interested about me.....now he left too....
Any suggestion???
