We have a son who is 22 years old who is starting to become self-destructive. We have sent him to private schools, paid for college, subsidized his rent, provided him with a good sales job in our business, help him consolidate some debts with no interest loans and, God knows, what else we've helped him with. We love him so much. But he has started to fall into a downward spiral lately. He has stopped going to school (Jr. college). He has been spending money that he doesn't have by going out and buying fast sports cars, trucks and a motorcycle and then putting all of his money into modifications of the vehicles. He was even involved in a car accident with his brand new sports car, totalled his car and, tragically, someone in the other car died. Our son "forgot" to renew his car insurance so he nor his car were insured at the time of the accident. He owed the automobile finance company $30,000 for a car that was now worth maybe $5000 in salvage parts. He was "lucky" that the other party involved in the accident was unable to sue him. At that point, we felt bad for our "little boy" and decided to help him out. We, gave him a loan for $40,000 to pay off the car and pay off his financed motorcycle. We were confident that he would pay us back. After all he WAS working in the family business. He was also drug (and alcohol) free. We were very proud of that. He was also help us out tremendously in our business.
We had an opportunity to sell our family business within the last year. Our son knew that it would happen perhaps sooner rather than later. We constantly preached to him about saving his money because this cushy job might not always be there for him. Of course, that fell on deaf ears. We just figured "oh, he's young!" Well, a new owner took over our company and wanted our son to stay aboard because he was our top salesperson. It was a great arrangement for all parties involved.
About two weeks after the new owner took over I took a vacation back to the East Coast to visit my family. A few days into the vacation I received a telephone call that two local police detectives took my son away from the office in handcuffs and charged him with credit card fraud. Long story short......he had used one of our customers' credit card numbers to purchase several thousand dollars worth of accessories for his truck. We were shocked. Totally crushed. He stole from our family business. I had to fly back immediately from the East Coast. We did not know what to do. We found a lawyer and paid him $5000 to "help" our son out. We then went to court and posted a $20,000 cash bond for him. (I know, I know......we are morons!) We were hurting so bad. We couldn't just let him rot in jail. He was know charged with 5 or 6 felony counts. This was bad. Very bad. Hopefully, the lawyer could help get that reduced so he could avoid any time in prison. One thing led to another and he ended up getting 6 months in jail. Not hardcore prison just a local jail. Miraculously, he was given a work-release program practically right away. He lucked out......a gift from God or something. Just had to report to a parole officer once a week. That's it. He got to sleep in his own bed every night and even managed to get a new job with his uncle. He was working two jobs. Life was "good" once again, relatively speaking.
Well, almost.
Last weekend he got stopped for a DUI and it all ended. They took him away for a parole violation and charged him with a DUI. He is now back in jail and we're falling apart once again. My wife and I are running a gamut of emotions.......angry, heartbroken, etc. and we're even starting to fight with each other more often. It's wearing us down. We're at the point where we don't want to help him anymore. But, at the same time, he has bills that need to be paid for cars, trucks, insurance and all kinds of other things. I didn't mention that he was living in a condo that we bought for him to live in. He lives in the Master bedroom and rents out two other bedrooms. He manages the place for us. All of his belongings, furniture, cars, truck, motorcycle, etc. are at the condo. He asked that we sell the cars, motorcyle so that we can use that money to pay his bills until he gets out. But he owes us fifty or sixty thousand dollars. Should we let them repossess the cars? The truck? Should be let him crash and burn? We'll probably never see that $60,000 again no matter which way we decide to handle this. If we "help" him I see us going further in debt. If we do not help him..........oh, I don't know. We're stuck. That's why I throwing this out there. I can't imagine anyone reading this anyway. It's midnight now and I'm just babbling away.......I'm exhausted. I know what the answer to all of this should be. Tough love, baby. Tough love. Drop him like a dirty shirt. Isn't that the "right" thing to do? Yup. I don't think we can do it.
Thanx for reading this long, boring question.
