Thank you both very good answers.
I like this question it follows up with the male counterpart I have put out.
Caxie seems it bothers men when something is bothering us and we clam up when asked what it is, I know I have done that, not to play games, but just did not know how to formulate my question or answer that would not bring about his clamming up.
Communication and trust big issues.
I have learned to just be upfront with everything. Face the consequences. Seems to work.