Hi Crystalclear,
I'm sorry about your sad life experiences. Do you think that you're the only one who had bad experiences? No, there are lots and lots of people who experienced maybe worse than yours. I do think that you should try to leave the past behind and be thankful that you survived inspite of those. Look toward a nice life.
First of all, you did not mention if you believe in God. If you do, I think that it's the first thing you need to pay attention to. Ask Him to help you through all these problems, to give you more courage and strength to overcome all these problems. Give your life to God and He will set you free and will make your life more bearable.
With regards to your mother and your husband, pray for them too that they will change the way they treat you. I believe that God is the ultimate and the Divine Counselor and Healer. Just have faith in Him and you will see a great change in your life.
I hope that you will give God a try. He'll never forsake you. Take care.
Posted 2008-08-24T06:23:32Z
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Believe it or not, I'm a Christian and very active in my church. It's the only thing that keeps me hanging on. I guess I left that out. I've prayed and prayed and prayed, on my knees (and believe me, it's hard for this fat gal to get down on her knees anymore). I accepted Christ when I was 10 years old but it wasn't until the last few years that I've really gotten back into my religion. I've never blamed God for all of this, it's not His fault. I know some people get all bitter and stuff but my faith has been pretty well constant. Otherwise, I would have committed suicide years ago. It's just I can't get a clear direction on how to resolve the Mother situation from my Bible. One day it appears that the Lord is telling me to forgive her, another day it will appear that God is directing me to "Shake the Dust off of my Sandals". I'm told to "Honor thy Father and Thy Mother so that they days will be long on this earth" and "Despise not thy Mother in her old age". I'd love nothing more to resolve this issue but she has lost her mind. How does anyone resolve a problem with someone that is crazy? What's worse is that she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her. And she's in church every single Sunday herself. She plucks things out of the Bible to justify what she is trying to do to my Aunt and to me. But I know "God is not the author of confusion". I stay in the Word. I spend an hour sometimes two each day, talking to God because I have a long commute to work. That's my God time. And personally, since you brought God up and maybe you'll know where I'm coming from on this.....personally, I believe that all this mess I've got going on is nothing but an attack from Satan to sidetrack me from what I'm trying to do for the Lord now. I can't pray for anybody else, because I've got so many problems going on in my own life. I'm exhausted from all the stress that's on me all the time, so I don't feel like volunteering for anything. I keep a tension headache all the time, from worrying with what I'm going to do about Mother and my finances.
So if you are offering prayers, please remember me when you have your prayer time. Everytime in my life, when I have been close to really doing something for the Lord, life hits me hard. The devil knows just how to take me out. I don't renounce my faith.....but I get so swamped with the things that are thrown at me, that I get nothing accomplished.
Thanks.
Posted 2008-08-27T01:28:41Z
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Love with all my heart, forgive easily & quickly, peace whenever possible, hold tightly onto today, let go of yesterday, embrace each moment, & be a soild ground for my family to fall back on whenever it is needed. And always, always, I am ready to stop the world & listen.
Dear Crystalclear, WOW! You kept me on the edge of my seat as well as made me feel very close to you, ha! By that I mean, you are NOT the only person who's had a crazy, roller-coaster of a ride life. Now, for starters, you have a friend, truly, I mean this. Okay, yeah, there's no denying it, you're in need of much help, NOW. Naturally you've made poor choices in men because you've been programmed by your parents to feel you don't deserve any better. And that's a lie. A lie straight from hell. Most of your weight gain & all the hair loss is due to extreme stress. I'm surprised as you said that you haven't turned to something drastic, I commend you for hanging in there & not drinking or doing drugs again. I also commend you for not having an affair because I can assure you there are many men who'd love to have such an intellegent, loving, caring, profoundly deep, funny woman as yourself. And I'm sure you're not as unattractive as you feel regarding your weight gain! Your so called husband has made sure you believe you're unattractive & undesireable. Sweetie, it doesn't sound as if you've ever had a marriage with this man. Now, one of the people who answered you commented you hadn't mentioned God. I beg to differ, you said your mother has even written your church. So that tells me you at least have a church, saying you must believe in God. However, believing in God isn't enough, after all, you know that else you wouldn't be hurting so deeply. I cannot tell you to leave your husband as the Lord will not allow me to advise anything that doesn't line up with His Word (the Bible). I will tell you to change your phone number, get a post office box, etc. to avoid your mother's attempts to contact you. I realize all that requires money. You have been treated all of your life horribly, no one deserves to be wounded as you have been. It is not your fault you had 2 crazy parents or that you're brother is handicapped. Your parents will have to answer for their decisions & sins as well as your husband. All you can do is answer for your own. Today is a new day. I am not only praying for you, I'm putting you on some prayer lists. I've lived a lot of life, much drama & heartaches as well, the main difference between us is that I was reared in a Godly home & married an adoring man. Despite great problems between my parents & I while growing up, they gave me more in the way of a foundation in Christ Jesus than they ever took away from me. Because of a life filled with much pain, I know for a fact prayer isn't just real, it works! The Lord God is real & He works, He's alive & well, waiting to heal your hurts, your life, your marriage, your finances, & protect you from all harm, including your own mother. I'm not offering you a magic potion, one of my favorite quotes is; "Sometimes the Lord calms the storm & sometimes He allows the storm to rage & calms His child". What I'm offering is genuine change in you, peace & joy unspeakable, trust. The sort of trust no one can touch or take away. You are going to see some changes come about quickly because of the prayers spoken over you & your life. And when you do, I want you to remember what I told you. I have much to say to you but the timing isn't right, for you that is. You are not alone. You now have me & many others who will praying for you as well as loving you from afar. I can't be by your side but I am praying for the Great Comforter, the Holy Spirit to wrap His arms around you, giving you peace & comfort. I am praying someone will cross your path & share with you what all I'm not at this time. All I'm doing at the moment is planting a seed, someone else is coming to water it, I promise! One of the reasons so much destruction has followed you all your life is because you have a high calling over you. I have found that those with the highest callings are the ones the enemy tries hardest to destroy. It's time to start your new life & put all this pain, hurt, garbage, & down right filth away forever. I see you helping others such as yourself. Giving them hope & comfort, teaching them what you're about to learn. Please contact me if you wish, I sincerely mean that I am your friend. I will never forget you from this day forth, it's already changing for you, everything! All my love & friendship in Christ Jesus, Trishahearon
Posted 2008-08-29T07:46:14Z
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Love with all my heart, forgive easily & quickly, peace whenever possible, hold tightly onto today, let go of yesterday, embrace each moment, & be a soild ground for my family to fall back on whenever it is needed. And always, always, I am ready to stop the world & listen.
Crystalclear, I am SO sorry, I just read your reply to someone else & see crystal clear that you are indeed a born again believer! Please forgive me for not seeing that before I first wrote you. Okay, let's begin again, honey, I still mean what I've said, your life is about to change for the good, "All things work together for those that love the Lord & who are called according to His purposes"!!!! Now, let us start by giving all this to Him, let it go. As Abraham with Issac, put it all on the alter, trust Him, & walk away. Your heart, your very soul needs healed. Jesus said that He not only came that we might live but live more abundantly & that He might set the captives free & heal the broken hearted. That's you & I! You know the TRUTH, therefore you are free, you've simply had your life polluted with a fog that's caused you to not be able to see clearly. Ask that your eyes of understanding be opened, that's one of my prayers for you. Ask & you shall receive. Now believe, once we've gone to our Father, then we must believe He not only heard us, He's taking care of our need. YOUR God shall supply ALL your needs according to His riches in glory! It's already been done for us. We need to get that precious little girl within you that was damaged so many years ago healed, we need to retrieve her, love her, & then let go of the past. Let old things pass away. I am speaking peace over you right now, perfect peace that passes all understanding. I am also believing for your husband to make a spiritual change in his heart & life. I am so glad I saw your answer to the other person so I could write you again. You're still going to have someone come into your life & share more with you. I love you sweetie, be healed & made whole in Jesus, Trishahearon
Posted 2008-08-29T07:59:07Z
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You need to find a Behavioral Therapist who can help you to sort through what you have been thru, what you are currently going thru and where you want to get to in your life.
GOOD LUCK!!!
Posted 2008-08-30T02:08:45Z
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Trisha,
Thank you so much for your comments, you are very discerning. You know, I know I should block my Mother's e-mails, that's where most of the mess comes from now, but I guess there is a part of me that still hopes that one day she will become a "Normal" person, that maybe she'll write to me and apologize to me and all of this mess will be over. I managed (with the Lord's help) to forgive my dad and we actually had a very good relationship the last two years before he died. If my mother were to die right now, with us in this huge mess that we are in, I don't know that I'd ever get over it. But as hard as I have tried, I have been unable to resolve the differences between us and it is through no fault of my own. I mean, the only way to resolve it, is to agree to sell. My family (on my dad's side) has been on this same plot of land since 1860. It is my heritage, my roots, that my Mother is asking me to sell. My dad was born, raised and died right up the road from here. My mother was raised in a very unstable home, they moved all the time, she has no roots or heritage, so she doesn't understand my attachment to the land. I am happiest here. This is where I belong. My extended family on my dad's side, lives all around me. I love it here. To sell out to some land developer is just something I could not imagine myself doing. I'd rather be dirt poor and live and die on this land than to have a million dollars. Now I'm sure that sounds ludicrous to a lot of people, but that is just me. Not to mention, I know that when my grandparents left it to us, they wanted us to keep it in the family. So the bottom line is, I am unwilling to sell and the only way my mother is willing to leave me alone is for me to sell. There is just no way for me to resolve the situation, we are at a stalemate. Only, I'm not aggravating her about it. She's been vicious towards me. Because I'm thwarting her plans of becoming a millionaire. I just don't know if God wants me to give up on my relationship with my Mother. It really doesn't seem like the Christian thing to do.
With my husband, divorce is not an option. It wasn't an option with my first husband and it's not an option with this one. I do not believe in divorce. I didn't divorce my first husband. In fact, even though he had a baby on the way with another woman, I tried to talk him out of divorce. He filed on me and I couldn't MAKE him stay married to me. I stalled for awhile, hoping he'd change his mind, but he was determined, so I had to let him go. I wasn't ever going to get married again. I had sworn off men.
This one I'm married to now...well, I've felt for a long time that he tricked me into marrying him. I did get a prenuptual agreement, so he has no rights to my house or the farm. He was so different while we were dating. He was the sweetest man. He's a lot older than me, 14 years. He really swept me off my feet. We got married and for awhile, I'd come home from work and he'd have dinner ready, he'd give me a foot massage, run a bubble bath for me. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. The first thing I found out that was a negative was when I found an empty whiskey bottle hidden in the trash can. It was just an accident. I have a rule, no booze or drugs in my house! He had presented himself to me as a man who didn't drink. I did a thorough search of the house while he was out and about and I found another bottle stashed in the back of a cupboard. I got a marks-a-lot and marked the bottle, it was nearly full and I put it back. When I checked it again the next evening after I got home from work and he was sleeping, it was nearly empty. I monitored his booze supply for the next few weeks and found out he was drinking ALOT. I confronted him about it and at first he denied it, but I called him on that and then he admitted he drank all the time. Now I know it seems absurd that I did not know he was an alcoholic but he was always gargling with Listerine, because he has a lot of gum problems or something, so I really couldn't smell it on him. So I talked him into going Inpatient and so far as I know he's not drinking anymore....but then his whole personality changed. Booze made him nicer, if you can believe that. He had never been married before. So he was a lifelong bachelor and I don't think he understands that when you get married it's not everyone for himself anymore. I think he considered me a trophy wife when we got married and now I'm not the tall, thin, beautiful dark-haired woman he married anymore. It doesn't help that he's a fitness freak and goes to the gym sometimes twice a day. He's still well built for a man in his 60's...so I am unfortunate that my body went bad on me and I'm married to a man like Jack Lalane. I work out all the time and still I am blubbery. And he doesn't understand that so he's critical of me...I'm not trying hard enough, in his eyes. The thing is, I am getting old. I cannot withstand two a day workouts anymore, I get injuries and then I'm sidelined for two or three weeks.....he tells me to push through my pain...but if I keep on, then I can barely walk. So mostly, I just stay to myself. I read or go do something solitary. I don't see as how it does any good to argue, I can't MAKE him think I'm attractive again or make him treat me the way he did when we first married. I just hope he doesn't leave me. Suddenly, he's all interested in the internet again. He went and brought a brand new laptop and was asking me how to set up a new e-mail account (passworded). I don't think that's a good thing. I think he might be shopping for another woman. But as I learned my entire life, I can't control what another person is intent on doing. I've been a good wife. I haven't cheated though it's been, I think, three years since we've had any physical contact. That's just not the way I want to go. I work, I keep house, I cook, I do laundry and I try to be respectful of him. I'm old fashioned in the way I believe. I've lived the wild life before and I'm not going back. If he bails out on me, then I'll just have to deal with it. He's Catholic (I'm not) so I don't think divorce is really an option for him.
Well, I need to go watch more of the weather, we are watching two hurricanes right now. It's probably going to be a hectic week.
Take Care and thanks for the prayers, I really do feel calmer now. I liked that line about God calming the storm or calming the child when the storm rages. That was good and I'm going to remember it.
Crystal
Posted 2008-08-31T00:42:51Z
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Love with all my heart, forgive easily & quickly, peace whenever possible, hold tightly onto today, let go of yesterday, embrace each moment, & be a soild ground for my family to fall back on whenever it is needed. And always, always, I am ready to stop the world & listen.
Crystalclear, how wonderful it was to hear from you. I can never tell you how much you have touched me. I know we're stangers, don't even know one another's true names, but I feel I do know you as we're sisters in Christ. I understand you don't believe in divorce & why, I told you in one letter. I understand as well why you don't want to sell your land, your birth right. Your mother is very pitiful, she sounds lost (spiritally speaking) & very miserable. And of course, misery loves company. You pray about selling, I mean it. If you still feel it's not right, then stand your ground & don't sell! As far as continuing a relationship with your mother as a Chrisitan & in hopes of her someday changing, I understand all that....However, again, you cannot make anyone change by hanging on to what is not there, meaning there is no real mother/daughter relationship between you & your mother. You cannot continue to put yourself in the line of fire in hopes of her changing. The Lord doesn't expect us to allow ourselves to be abused unless it He has allowed it to bring Him honor & glory. This is NOT bringing Him honor & glory. Simply because you change your address, etc. to avoid her nastiness does not mean you're being a bad daughter or a bad Christian! It only means that you're saying "mommy dearest, NO MORE"! And satan, NO MORE, get under my feet where you belong, no weapon formed against shall prosper, not even my own mother, I am the head & not the tail, I am above & not beneath, I am a child of the most high God, greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world, I refuse to give you any more power in life, back off in the name of Jesus!!!! And mean it! Always remember when we sweep him out the front door to keep our spiritual eyes on the back door as he will continue whatever he's doing to us until he's convinced we're serious! Your Sword in the Spirit is the Word of God, it is the only thing he must listen to & obey in the name of Jesus. Every time he tried to temp Jesus, the Lord Jesus always responded with the Word. Your mother (& husband) are not your enemies, satan is, he's the root of all evil, they are simply willing vessels. We fight not against flesh & blood....so the weapons of our warfare cannot be carnal but spiritual! You are going to have to learn how to fight in the Spirit. I believe there is a great warrior in you, much greatness period as I you were created for greatness, made in the very image of God. I can pray, interceed, & do warfare for you but I cannot make you stand up to your true enemy, only you can decide to do it & then DO it sweetie. I will be with you every step of the way but more importantly, Jesus will be there. Do you know you have dominion over the angels, they have been given charge over you & I, we can speak them forth to fight in the Spirit as well as physically for us. You can call a host of angels by your side night or day to surround you as well as call upon the Holy Spirit to lead, guide, & direct you in all things. Crystal, all things are possible with God. I know you believe that, now you're being put to the test, lay down & take everything ungodly, hurtful, & unclean to walk all over you or stand up in the Spirit & fight with your weapons of warfare. Revelations says that there was a great war in heaven, "and they overcame him (Lucifer) by the Blood of the Lamb, the Word of their testimony, & loving not their lives unto death". So now, speak that Blood of the Lamb over yourself, life, husband, marriage, & finances, speak the Word of God OUT LOUD daily. It's very important to speak the Word aloud, satan is called the prince of the air, so speak the Word into the very air in which he lives! The only power satan has over believers is what we give him, the Word tells us, "the people perish for they have no vision (knowledge)". Know your Bible, do NOT perish! Jesus wasn't tormented, abused, or suffer & die & resurrect only that we might have life eternal. He also did it that we might be able while on this earth to go from glory to glory, overcoming one obstacle after another through Him. This is what you're going to have to learn about. If you're interested, I know of some great books that can teach you what I'm talking about. I would never recommend a book that was not written by an author I am not familiar with nor a book that is not scripturally sound. Okay you mentioned 2 hurricanes, I have to wonder where you live, I live in Texas, North East Texas, all my extended family live on the Texas gulf coast, we too have got ready for the storms. However, we joined together in prayer, being in one accord, we & many, many other believers & I know that is why the damage wasn't bad this go around. Praise the Lord! He has heard us & sent His angels to guard those in the path of these storms! We serve a mighty God who loves you more than any words could ever express. Don't you ever forget that. And I love you in Jesus, your friend, praying for you continuosly, Trishahearon.
Posted 2008-09-02T07:30:54Z
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Trisha,
Thank you so much, I really needed those words this evening and I feel like God spoke through you. My Aunt came over to my work today, with a 4 page letter from my Mother, which baiscally says that mother is moving ahead with her lawsuit, she's put a $2,500 retainer down with a lawyer down here. I live in Southern Florida, my Mother lives in North Central Texas. My mother times these letters for every happy event...this one was no exception, she planned it to land on my Aunt and Uncle's 49th wedding anniversary. My Aunt and I are going to have to defend ourselves. We discussed that today, that we would not hire a lawyer to go after my Mother for her harrassment of us, but rather just to defend, because as Christians, we don't believe in lawsuits. But I don't guess God will have a problem with us getting an attorney to defend ourselves. I was really feeling bad this evening, feeling low. After I read your posting though, I actually feel a lot better. I've really got to quit wallowing in all of this, I've GOT TO! I just can't go on like this. My mailbox is about to fall down anyway, the teenagers with nothing to do during the summer other than to hit mailbox's with baseball bats have reduced my mailbox to a thin, dented version of it's former self. She'll probably take to sending them UPS or something if she can't get through in the mail, but it is worth a shot.
The main thing is that I feel stronger now. Which is a good thing, because I really was feeling discouraged this evening.
Thank you so much for caring enough to answer me tonight. It was good timing.
God bless you.
Crystal
Posted 2008-09-04T01:10:49Z
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