Hi Karen:
My prayers go out to you. It sounds as if your son has a good heart but low self-esteem and a self-destructive state of mind affected by the drug use and drinking.
One of the things you ask: Your son is not vulnerable. -- He has become vulnerable from circumstances in his life that he has enabled. . .or others have enabled. Sadly there is no reasoning with one drinking or using drugs. It affects the minds ability to think rationally and cope no matter how much patience, or love one expresses.
Your love and concern in picking up the pieces with money and a job only enables him to continue on the same course, because he knows you’ll take care of his mess for him. Family help patterns can reach a point it doesn’t allow him to become responsible for his actions and face-the-music no matter how devastating. You and others become his safety net. A safety net of broken hearts and continued tears with no changes. Sadly, our children become users whether intentional or not.
The one thing I have learned is whether it’s tough love and you throw him out or he continues his self-destruction while living at home . . . this precious child will always find someone to take him in – get him drugs or take advantage of his weakness.
I commend you for trying tough love. It will be difficult for you and the family to help him further outside of your love, prayers and hope. You need outside help. Otherwise things will not change.
Please take the initiative to get that help before it’s too late. Do not give up. Contact the Department of Family Services in your state. Be insistent with what help you need.
Search out if there is a program for the treatment of alcoholics and drug abusers like Alcoholics Anonymous. They can become a needed support system to the family. You need to better understand the situation your son is in, his mindset and reasoning, and also, keep the family intact and sane.
If you are in the position to commit him – it may be a consideration that may save his life and give him a future.
I have a great respect for TV’s Dr. Phil, his expertise, resources and compassion. Give him an outpouring of your situation. You just may be able to get his help or he may be able to recommend where you can go and who to deal with. Dr. Phil – 5482 Wilshire Blvd, #1902 – Los Angeles, CA 90036
May you all find a brighter future 
Jane Doe Chronicles
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www.janedoechronicles.typepad.com
