Ultimatums????

It is not fair that your husband is practically forcing you to make a choice.I'm 52 and been through a lot of different things with my  family ,i feel you can never truly be happy if you cannot forgive in your heart, it can eat away at you and there will always be an empty space.It takes a lot of courage to forgive someone who has hurt you, especially your parents .Your children will live by your example.To forgive is to be forgiven .Trust in your heart and god for you answer..Deb     good luck

Shamom, First of all I agree you need to measure what it will do to your present relationship.  Congratulations on keeping the marriage going for 15 years.  I think asking for a week is expecting way too much for the first step.  What about a meeting in a public place (park with picnic or lunch at a nice place) for an hour or so.  Baby steps are much better.  If it goes well and both you and your parents want to keep it going, do it again a week or so later.  Maybe go to a zoo or ball game or something where you two can move around and there isn't the confinement of their house.  That may be too close for eather of you, especially your kids who don't have any relationship with their parents.  By involving some kind of action it will let the kids get into some kind of rapport with them.  As far as the husband, you need to talk to him.  Tell him how important it is to you that you need to see if there's anything there.  You need his support to help you do that.  If you can't convince him or you don't have a strong enough arguement, maybe it's a bad idea for you to do it.  He will have to make the final decision.  He's about 35 now he needs to bend a little for you.  It's not about him, it's about you.  They aren't his parents, their yours.  He can hate them forever, but he shouldn't take it out on you.  If he sees that it's working for you maybe his heart will be softened.

By attempting to force you to choose, your husband is doing the same thing to you that your parents did to him - and isn't that what made him mad in the first place?

He doesn't have to like them or forgive them, but it's not about them - it's about loving and supporting you and the children you have together.

Your husband needs to knock it off and keep his hostility to himself. You should go ahead and take baby steps (as suggested already) to introduce your parents and children so as to build a grandparenting relationship between them.

Family does matter and the fact that you are being the bigger person and attempting to forgive and put the past where it belongs is something your husband should admire and encourage.

Take it small, take it slow and good luck to all of you.

I would to work things out with my husband first and tell him that even though my parents was very mean at one time ,you need your parents in your life and for the kids. Talk with your parents together and come to a understanding about how they teated you and your husband. try to get along, you need your family. Try to forgive them and be happy . There is so much families not speaking over crazy things, Just forgive and get along the best you can , Hope things goes well.

Your husband should not place such an ultimatum in front of you. That is not fair. He is supposed to be there for you and your children in a supportive spirit. It is OK if he does not want to go, but he should not restrict you from seeing what is your own blood, if you want to, even if they have mistreated you in the past. Your parents on the other hand should not interfere with your marriage. Since you don't mention all the bad things said and done by the family or your husband it is quite hard to determine what you should do. At the end you just have to follow your heart and do what is best for you and your children.

Good luck!

you marry someone like your father.  the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. these proverbs are fact more than fiction.  are your children experiencing the same upbringing as you.  it appears so. unhappy marriage, turmoil, isolation and ultimatums. not real healthy. i would focus on a happy nurturing enviornment for them before they leave.  why would you subject them to seeing the abuse that your parents give you. its bad enough that they see their parents threatening each other with ultimatums. where are your inlaws your siblings your friends? you need to learn emotional independence so that you can teach your children. instead of a weekend with your parents take your children camping and give them and you some happy memories.unlike the ones you had growing up. i'm sure this would do you a world of good. 

I'm with marie on this one. Just because they are blood, doen not mean you need to tolerate them.

Your parents sound vengeful and spiteful. You even said they still say hurtful things to you. They lie about your husband, and almost got your kids taken away from you. I believe they are just trying to get in close to your family so as to wreak havoc on it.

As long as your children are in a loving and caring environment, no one else is needed. Good friends and other relations are just fine.

Get them out socializing with other adults. Your friends will do just fine.

Just my 2 cents.

I completely understand how you feel, because I myself am going through a similar situation. I love my husband and have always been family oriented. My husband also asked me choose between my family or him, I asked myself the same question what happens when my family disowns me and then my marriage fails, what would I do then. But you know, I am not afraid to lose either because I have 3 children which need me and I know that I have to move forward for them. Be strong for them and like I said if your husband and family really love you they will stick by you no matter what you do. Best of luck to you and wish you all the happiness you deserve.