Hi Butterfly, I am not sure how old you are now and how long you have been dealing with this issue within yourself, but first of all if you feel he took advantage of a vulnerable time & situation and I must say you were very young and he was surely by his age an adult making very bad moves on a minor, He used you for his own advantages (I am sure he knew you had never had sex, that makes him even more of a pedophile!). Adults go to prison for things like that. Even though at 17 we feel like adults, we are very naive about affection and closeness. Even more so in times like yours at that time. A 31 year old, whether man or woman that sexually touch, kisses or even has those thoughts with or about a 17 year old is a pervert. If you feel you were violated and you were, you need to surely say so to this man, at 31 people pick up people at bars or work, not at a graduation ceremony or bus stop. As far as the way you feel about trust, physical contact and dissociate during sex, just as he used you, you are feeling unworthy maybe even used. Similar situations usually get the same feeling and reactions. Are you married? If not, then you should have trust issues with men that want to have physical contact and sex with you. If you feel that way when you are with someone, you are not with the one who you should be with. Sex should not be a social thing, yes its nice and most of us like it.
But when you tell this man you felt violated and that he being the adult in this situation should have never even crossed that line and told you to find someone your own age, instead of trying to satisfy his sick needs and then come up with "I never forced you to do things you didn't want to do". That is what men tell little girls when they molest them butterfly, I truly know from the past but I was not 17 I was 7. And my 5 year old grand-daughters other side of family's Papa told her as he molested her "you love papa don't you? You want to keep this our secret don't you? Papa does this for you so you can have fun, you like to have fun don't you? What a B_s_tard, You tell him how you feel and get past this. Then you live your young life and have fun, don't let just anybody touch you or use you for sex. The one you find that makes you feel safe, happy, worthy, laughs when you laugh, hugs you when you are sad, listens when you are mad, wants to know all about you and cares about nothing in the world but what makes that beautiful smile shine on your face, you will not have these thought from his touch or you will not feel the dissociated feeling any more. Then you will call it love not sex.
