I've had trouble with weight all my life, firstly I was one of those ridiculously skinny kids whose always running around, then i hit ten, and put on so much weight, so much so my mum took me to the doctors, thinking i might be suffering from thyroid problem, like she herself suffers from. This wasn't the case, i was just over eating. Then when I was about twelve very occasionally i would make myself vomit. Then when i was about 15, i moved from being fairly popular at one school, to a school where i could find no one i liked, at this point i abstained from eating much at all for about three months, and by the time i returned to visit my old school friends the following summer i'd lost three and a half stone and gone from being a size 14 to a small size 8 (British sizing). I couldn't maintain the weight loss by not eating, so i began a cycle of bingeing and then making myself sick and this has gone on up until now, I am now 19. I have also had trouble with self harm, on and off, cutting burning, wrist banging, but this seems to be effected more by the eating. It's not an attention thing, which i saw a lot in secondary school, or 'coping' mechanism, it's just that sometimes i need it to remind me my thoughts are connected to my body (that is as about as much sense as i can make of it). There have also been some issues with excessive drinking, to the extent of ending up in A&E, drug abuse, and last year when i was put on Prozac (which I felt completely changed who I was), I got drunk and was hospitalized whilst at boarding school. Following this the school pressured me to go to a psychiatrist privately, and i spent pretty much all of my savings (my parents refused to pay) on the CBT I was referred to. All in all i've now been suffering with issues related to all this, for about 7 years, pretty much since I was a child. I'm not sure if these are things I should seek medical help for, or just try and sort on my own, or perhaps their just habbits. When I tried to get help before, through the nhs and Cygnet Health I didn't feel anyone was taking me seriously, and no one ever gave me a diagnosis, so I'm not sure if there is anything medically, wrong. Perhaps I'm being dramatic, I'm now a completely normal size, (size 10 at 5ft 7) if anything I'm fat. What should I do? Sorry this is such an essay, it's hard to get It all on paper coherently, but I did my best. The only reason that this is playing on my mind now, is I've recently dropped out of university, and I'm struggling to find work, so I have a lot of time with the house to myself, and for a while the binging was getting out of control, but now I eat very little, but throw up after everything I do eat.
