I have a dilemma.... maybe some thoughts on this will be of help.
First, I'm 46 years old. I'm not a kid....
I've been in a very long term relationship of over 20 years.... no, i'm not married but we have lived together for the past 19 years.
Although, we never had any children of our own..... I did indeed raise and provided a very stable home for my "step daughter" whom is now 27 and on her own for 8 years and i'm quite proud of her accomplishments. My "other half's" daughter turned out to be a very well adjusted adult.
I am a medical professional...... earn a decent wage.... own a home... etc.
My "other half" is a housekeeper..... and that has never bothered me.... and never was a issue. I don't care about what a person does for a living... or how far of an education that my "other half" has. It was never an issue.
From the start, my "other half's" family was somewhat a problem.
Constantly.... at one point, early on. An argumentative family with much discord, They tried everything in the book to cause our relationship to fail. From name calling to rumors and the like about me.... to literally fighting with my "other half" about seeing me. I never gave them any reason of any sorts to dislike me at all. I was always kind... respectful... and tried to befriend them. As they say, "Love Is Blind"... It wasn't until 3 years after the start of our relationship that my "other half's" father passed away and after her and I moved some 2,300 miles away together and 4 years later did the nonsense start again. Her mother moved to our state and in with her and I (against my better judgement) did she start causing problems in our relationship again. After a period a 3 years... and a big deal did her mother move out into her own place... which is what i ended up telling her that she HAD to do!
Her problematic brother, has also moved into and out of our house a couple of times... is also a troublemaker, doing everything from creating friction in our house between us... to creating problems with our neighbors by starting arguments with them. For the past 3 years, he's been living in our house again due to a job loss.... which he's now employed..... but makes no attempts to move into his own place and he's now 44.
He's unable to keep his own relationships.
K. and I got along fine for a number of years with the exception of when her family is around. Now, our sex life is nil..... and we seldom do anything together.... she's always "too tired"....
We argue alot now about petty things.... and some things which are significant. I have taken up some hobbies and activities to fill voids.... and to keep busy when i'm not at work and at home.
The brother makes remarks about my hobbies and just this evening criticized my recently joining as an Auxiliarist with The Coast Guard as being "dumb" and laughing at my activities and belittling my volunteer work... my employed work and whatever else that i do.
K. never sides with me.... defends me... or otherwise and it appears that her and her brother have "conversations" while i'm not home.... to criticize me or put me down. I've caught them doing this.
I could go one for literally hours of just some of the things i've tolerated but "i'd be writing a book" that would speak volumes!
My question?
How much more should I take and what should I do?
I've already tried to tell her that this is not acceptable and want him to get a life of his own and to move out... but she keeps making excuses for her brother and her family all the while always reminding me on the defensive how much she dislikes my family! (They've NEVER lived with us nor tried to cause any drama... although they really don't care much for her... they always are respectful to her because of me!) I have a brother who is 60 and suffers from diagnosed illness in which she makes fun of!
I'm at wits end!
Any suggestions?
