These are not issues you can resolve on your own. I say this having been an abused kid, an abused adult and the child of an alcoholic. I was left with serious issues which it has taken me years to resolve. You can't ignore the past, it made you the person you are. What you can do is study the issues and understand how they affect you, and find a good therapist to help you get past them. In order to change your behavior, you first have to understand the effects your past had on your behavior so that you can be mindful of when these behavioral triggers cause you to act in a way that causes negative effects. A therapist will help with that. If you and your boyfriend are intimate enough, you should explain these things to him so that he can avoid overreacting to one of your triggers or can help you work your way through it. And while I don't want to make you feel discouraged, you will never completely get over these issues. You can reach a point where you're able to ameliorate the worst effects of the triggers and your reaction to them, but you'll never get over them completely. Just as an example, if I'm with someone and they have a problem, I have to make sure to tell them if they need to raise that problem with me they need to speak calmly and quietly, because if they argue by yelling and stuff, I tend to completely close myself off because as a kid, yelling meant abuse. I can't stop my reaction, it's automatic. If you yell, I put a wall up.
