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balex

My Mother-in-law stays with me/us too much

My Mother-in-law stays with me/us too much let me explain. My wife is in medical school and is only home for 14 days every 4 month. Whale my wife is away my Mother-in-law feels the need to stay with me to take care of me. When my wife is home she feels the need to stay with us to visit with her daughter, and I fell the need to be alone with my wife for the 14 days that she home. When I talk to my wife about it she thinks I should understand her wanting to stay with us because she only gets to see her daughter for 14 day every 4 month. But it so had for me because she takes over the house while my wife is away and I feel like I have to share my wife when she home. How to I fix this without hurting feelings?

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mother-in-laws

Posted 2008-04-10T06:14:55Z
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profitbob

6591 answers

2187 helpful answers

If it's not fun, you're doing it wrong.

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Professor Snotsengabber, a charter member of S.N.O.T.S.

Your mother-in-law is lonely. I presume from your story that she has no husband, as you don't mention one. Maybe if she had some company her own age, or a boyfriend, she might stay home to visit with them. Does she even still have her own home? It may be an economic issue, and she's too embarrassed to let you know she has no where else to go. Visiting her daughter and taking care of you could be her excuse to stay there without feeling like a mooch.

Having a frank discussion with her shouldn't hurt her feelings. I'm sure she had her own difficulties with her mother-in-law and can see the position she's put you in. Maybe if she has a problem and you can solve it, you'll have peace.

Posted 2008-04-10T06:31:48Z

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OronD

8452 answers

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Love is the battery of life....

Hi,
Prpfitbob gave you an excellent answer (Credited with 2 thumbs up), I would like to add:
1. You didn't mention kids. If your mother in
     law comes to assist you at home to raise the
    kids ( + house works, cooking, etc) than it is
    100% and should be highly appreciated.....
    But if their are no kids she shouldn't be there
    to "take care of you".... It is sort of "getting
    you under control" or "supervising you"......
    You don't need it, and you should not accept
    it.... it's a sort of invading your privacy!.
    You'll have to bring an end to it ! (in a smart
    sensetive way !).
2. At the 14 days period: It is very understandable
     that your mother in law want to see / meet her
     daughter..... but she doesn't need all 14 days.....
     2-3 days are more than enough and will enable
     you to have 11-12 days for the 2 of you 2B
     alone......
3. Better be more tolerant: The medical school is
     limitted in time and not all the time it will be 4
     months + 14 days shifts.....
Best regards,

Posted 2008-04-10T08:44:03Z

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balex

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Thanks for all your advice. I was able to talk to my mother in law and she is now only going to stay one day per week and 2 days per week when my wife is home. I feel this will work out much better for me. She was a little hurt at first but she has found thing to keep her occupied like cleaning out her house that has been empty for the past two years. I’ve will going over to her house for a few hours on Saturdays to help with anything she needs.

Thanks,

Balex

Posted 2008-04-15T07:12:20Z