Marriage in need of help!!

Hi Lenabug,

It sounds to me that your husband really is confused and doesn't know what he wants. That being said, it does not excuse his behaviour and what he has done to you and your children by walking out. It's especially not right of him to still be calling you baby and talking about what you are going to do in the future and then be living with some other girl who he hardly knows. You and your children deserve much better than that. Your husband needs to make a decision and choose one or the other. And if he chooses you and your children, then you need to make sure that he proves to you that you deserve to take him back.

You have about as good of chance of getting him back as a snow ball in 100 degree tepms out side. As things go in this case is he worth it as if he has done it once he will do it again. As i understand it you want to be the second wife or girlfriend in this matter yes your children do make a difference in the fact. But as it remains you will always be a second in this. Why not think better of your self and forget about him move on down the road start over leave the rubbish behind you as there are men out there looking for a person like you. As a good women and a good man are hard to find but look around find one who loves you for who you are and the kind careing person you are and loveing as they are hard to find. But take out the trash forget it start over run as fast as you can get away from this as you deserve better than this. Thak my advice it will never change as it never does as much as you hope to change it. Where is the trust gone and it seems to be a one sideded marrage as the marrage vowes mean nothing to him.Think long and think seriousley about it is this his child as you think or is it what he tells you.

Thumb Up Lawbug , AMEN !

Lenabug ,  If your husband really loved you he'd be living with you and his children .  Not a 19 year old whom I believe is his Mistress and also believe the baby is his , hence the reason he can't look at you . Why on earth do not want a man who doesn't love and respect you .  Your partner should never be the source of your pain . He's already left your marriage with his willful choice to committ  adultery , it is time that you think about your children . This is a horrible example for your children of what a loving relationship between a man and a woman is suppose to be .  I firmly believe this man is full of lies and deceit he is committing the Ultimate Betrayal.  Hold him finacially accountable for his children with you and move on with your life .  There are to many honest good faithful men in this world for a woman to accept a man who offers anything less . Along with the possibility of supporting a child from his mistress . Kick this guy to the curb , he's not worth his salt  , you and your children deserve better than this man  .  I wish you and your children the best .

Your commitment to your marriage is very admirable. I too am married & those vows before God are very important to me. It does sound like your husband is confused & perhaps he doesn't know what he wants right now. But consider your own situation for a moment. If he doesn't know this other woman very well, & she's pregnant w/another man's child, then she's sleeping around maybe w/several men. You MUST consider your own health for the sake of your children. There are serious diseases now that will kill you from having sex w/the wrong person. It just takes once. Is your husband using protection w/this woman? I doubt it because she is already pregnant. If you take him back you MUST  make sure he gets tested for STDs. You have children that depend on you for their well being. If you are determined to keep your husband in your life after the way he is treating you then at least protect yourself. I understand your marriage is important to you, but you should have love & respect for yourself. I hope you can work things out w/him if that's truly what you believe is best but if he has started sleeping around he most likely will continue as long as you let him, if not w/this woman then w/the next one that catches his eye unless he goes through therapy & seriously wants to save your marriage & be completly faithful to you. Besides the heartache of knowing he is w/another woman, you have your health to think about. It's all about self-respect & protecting yourself & your children. Please be careful & protect yourself. No marriage-No man is worth dying for & leaving your children w/out a mother. I know this sounds harsh but it is reality. I wish you the best & God Bless.

Seems to me He's an opportunist.Control Yourself when You around Him see Him for what He is. I understands how it feels but sometime we have to let go.

Dear Lenabug,

You can not control other people, you can only control your own thoughts and actions.  There are several levels of intimacy, physical being one of the early levels. Your husband seems to be stuck in adolescence.  Deep down he knows this immature relationship will not last, that is why he keeps his clothes at your home.  You are his default girl.  You are not helping him to grow up by making excuses and allowing him to run home every time life disappoints him.  Only if he matures will you be able to have the caring stable home you are yearning for.  Focus on your own development and improvement.  One day you may look back and wonder what you ever saw in him.  It happens all the time.  

Lana

http://beamilliondollarwoman.com

I am going through a divorce that I didn't want and have been a stay-at-home father for five yrs.  I put my situation in the Lords hands, and rededicated my life to him.  It's not saving my marriage, but it's saving me!!  It's allowing me to cope with the heart-ache, and pain of being told by her that, "I don't love you anymore."  Sometimes it best to pray, and put it in Gods hands.

Hi Lenabug. This guy sounds like sooo many others! Immature, stupid, irresponsible... etc... etc... blah, blah, blah. It's as plain as the nose on most women's faces, the creep wants his cake and to eat it too.

The worst thing we can do to ourselves and our innocent children is to make excuses for these derelicts. They need to be single... kept as occasional, very distant company to our kids.

Apparently this is a sensitive subject for me. I just can't believe all the crap we put up with from men! All the things we tollerate that we wouldn't even tollerate from our best friend or blood-related family members! And for what? "Wedding Vows"? The cold hard fact is that he took them too.. this was a Marriage you both agreed to enter into. How does he get your permission to back out on you, screw you over and degenerate your family, but you have to hold on?..... You don't, and you shouldn't!

I don't know what kind of a person you are, but I'd like to say it's too bad we women don't have Mob connections!