Ok, this is confusing. Between the ages of four and six (1996-1998) I knew this boy who I saw as my boyfriend at the time - I don’t really think you can count it as a relationship at that age - but we were together for those two years and a bit more until his parents moved him away to another school and we lost contact. We were soul mates, we did everything together. I remember feeling heart-broken when he left; no matter how young I was I missed him a lot.
Ever since then I have wondered what happened to him, whether he remembered me, what he turned out like. But I never thought that we would see or hear of each other again. But I was wrong, 11 years later...a few days ago, I found him on facebook, added him as a friend. He emailed me in shock saying that he'd been searching for me for years and asked for my msn and mobile number.
We spoke on msn for a couple of nights,, got along ok but he's having a lot of trouble at home and has done since a very young age because I remember hearing about it way back. He told me everything; how he was feeling and that he didn’t trust anybody. I spoke to him for ages and he began to feel better.
What scared me was his dad used to beat up his mum, they separated and he now doesn’t know where his dad is, but now he's told me that he and his mum don't get on because he's become too much like his dad and she hates it. I’m worried this means he's become aggressive. He also said that he's changed, and he becomes stressed and angry at home.
He mentioned the very first time we spoke about meeting up, and checking out where we both live. I reeeaaally want to see him because I’ve missed him so much, even though it would be very nerve-racking - it’s something I feel I need to do. But I know how dangerous doing stuff like that through the internet can be...so I suggested we get to know each other a bit better before we meet - hoping I could learn more about his character first.
I know he's in a relationship from his facebook status, and he keeps posting stuff about her on his page, though he hasn’t spoken to me about it. He seems to love her (he keeps publicizing it) and he sounds as though he cares a lot about her. I've got absolutely no problem with that, I'm happy for him if he is. I didn’t expect to jump back into a relationship with him, a lot of years have passed, a lot of things have changed, and I don’t think I would want to be with him until I’d gone through the whole process all over again of getting to know each other as friends first. There’s no way he'd be exactly how he used to be, I mean, he was a 6 year old then, it’s mad to think that.
But I'm a bit confused about what he expects to happen with us now...because we both like films he said we should go to the cinema whenever a good new one comes out, frequently, so being ‘movie buddies’. He also said about me coming over to him or him coming over to me (we only live half hour away).
Also, when he's been speaking to me he's been quite flirtatious at times, like he said 'you're still as pretty as I remember you' and he asked me how tall I was and then said that it’s a good height for when he kisses me... and that he’s baffled I haven’t had a decent boyfriend since he saw me because everyone must be after me. He also said that I’m not someone that he's ever forgotten. They were all nice things, but I found them slightly confusing because I thought his girlfriend probably wouldn’t be happy with him saying things like that to me...and I can’t imagine her appreciating him going to the cinema often with another girl. I’m also slightly disturbed because he's saying all these things to me when he hasn’t even met me since all those years ago,, he has no idea if I’m really as he imagines me.
There will always be an emotional attachment between us, for me anyway, just because I remember those years as the happiest part of my childhood - and he was by my side all the time. It feels so odd to hear from him again but amazing at the same time. Because I feel this odd connection to him, I think he probably thinks that I want to get back with him - but that's not at all why I found him, and why I talk to him with such care and devotion. I just wanted to know he was ok, have proof he existed still, and I care about his life. But hearing from him again has baffled me and I don’t know what to feel, my emotions are all messed up.
The thing is, I feel like this could go horribly wrong with the sort of situation it is- and those memories of that part of my childhood could be ruined because he has turned out too differently or I have to him,, or his motives of seeing me again are malicious or sexual (I really think this is unlikely, but I have to consider it). It could be completely harmless and he just wants me back in his life as a casual friendship, and his girlfriend may not be bothered and may trust him with me. But I’m just feeling very uneasy at the moment, I don’t know what to do or expect. I wasn’t prepared to be thinking of him in my life anymore, so it’s confused me a lot and I don’t really know how to feel.
I don't want it to be my fault for adding him on facebook that that time so long ago is destroyed. We haven't organised anything to meet up officially yet, he just keeps mentioning it. Is it a good idea to do this - should I trust that he's grown into a mature and sensible person? If this goes fine and we get on well - what do you think I should feel about the fact he has a girlfriend but is spending so much time with me as well? What if I begin to have feelings for him? I can't really stop thinking about him, but I think this is because of the shock of hearing from him again rather than love at the moment - or I hope so. Does anybody think there is any way having him back in my life will work out?
I would appreciate any help ASAP thanks a lot xx
