I 77kind of feel weird asking this question but it seems to me to be a very confusing ordeal. Is this abuse and is this really as odd as I feel that it is?
When I was in the 10th grade (15 years old at the time) my father randomly pulled out these pictures of me apparently giving oral sex to a man who's face was not in the picture. I know that the person in the picture definetely looked like me and was wearing clothes that I owned and had a ring and earrings on that I also owned. The only thing that looked fake about it was that my arm looked fatter than it actually was at the time. However, I can't place anything down to the white cabinets in the background to make me recall that this event actually happened. I don't remember this AT ALL. It was on computer paper and "I" was looking directly at the camera. When my father showed me these pictures I was in shock and he repeatedly asked me to tell him when this was and he kept calling me a whore. After I told him over and over again that I don't remember anything like that ever happening at that time, he just started calling me a liar. Of course I was crying the whole time. I asked him where he got those pictures and he said "the devil". Then when he was done terrorizing me, he burned them. He even showed my mom (his wife) these pictures and would not tell her where he got them from. Even my brother was shown these pictures before my dad approached me with them. I can remember the next day later being so paranoid and anxious at school. We had a heart lab in an anatomy class where everyone checked their heart rate and blood pressure. Both were so high for me that my teacher wanted to send me to the nurse but I wouldn't go because I was too scared and freaked out wondering if someone was messing with me and I didn't even remember it. I am now about to turn 20 and I didn't even remember this until about a year ago. I asked my mom recently about this event and all she would tell me is that these pictures weren't real. I'm really confused, especially because I was sexually abused by an older brother when I was younger and oral sex was involved. But right now I just want to know what this event means. To me now I am left thinking that my father abused me on multiple levels just in that one incident... I have so many questions like: Did my dad create those pictures? If not, where did he get them from? (I mean... obviously he did not get them from "the devil") Why did he burn them? Why repeatedly call me all those names? Why was this incident quickly forgotten and nothing done after it? Isn't that child pornography? And by my dad showing me it is actually every type of abuse except physical?? There's a lot more peculiar incidents in my life involving my family like this but at least they don't involve as much unknowns.... -CONFUSED-
