I am gay and have been a bit enfatuated with one of my colleagues at work. I know he is not gay (he doesn't know that I am), but I can't help complimenting him (saying stuff like 'you're great' or 'you're amazing' or that his ideas are wonderful, etc.) and wishing him a great day/weekend/week, etc. especially via email. He does the same, but I think on a different level. Email interaction seems fine, but I've noticed that his direct behaviour towards me seems to have changed . . . his reactions seem forced . . . as if it is difficult to be 'normal' with me. Our interactions feel strained. I've apologised (via email again . . .) for possibly hogging or smothering him, but he does not respond to those types of mails, which is confusing. I don't know if all of my apologetic and overbearing behaviour has finally put him off. I don't want to lose a friend . . . I've made peace with just being a friend, but I'm scared that I might have ruined the friendship.
What do you think I can do to mend things?
I don't want to seem too distant and completely uninterested in him all of a sudden, because that might make things worse. We email each other every day (sometimes I initiate it or sometime he does . . . his tend to be more and more work-related lately . . . not just banter). I need to work with him every day, so I would like to normalize the friendship – not tip it the other way . . . if you know what I mean. I don't want him to become a stranger (or just a colleague, because the friendship is still important).
What suggestions do you have?
