HI, I am an 18 year old girl who is afraid of life. I've been living on my own for about a year now, because I graduated at 17. For most of this year I have lived with friends, but that never seemed to work out so now I have my own apartment. As exciting as it is, I find myself constantly missing my childhood and wishing that I could run home to mom and dad. Mom and dad split when I was 15, leaving my mom very distraught which became a large burden emotionally on me. A few months before they split my mom's mom died, and she was a HUGE influence on my life. I constantly find myself upset about the future and upset that I can't run home to mom because she doesn't have a living situation where I could go to her and same with my father. I feel as though I have no crutch and am always wanting my family back. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel depressed a lot and don't want to get up and live, I'd rather just stay at home, but staying at home reminds me that it is not the home I want. I'm also very scared of being a grown up. Having a career seems very intimidating. Going to college and trying to work at the same time is very intimidating, as this is what I'm attempting to do, but I only have one class and I feel like I'll never get through college at this rate. I just feel so lost. I'm lost without what my family used to be and I miss my grandmother too much where I just feel like dying. I can't imagine actually killing myself because I would be letting down so many people, especially my dead grandmother. I just don't know what's wrong with me. How do I stop being so afraid? How do I quit missing the past?
